12 December, 2010

Additional Scans...Story of a Life Snippet 13

(This story I have worked on in bits and pieces for about three years.  This is the first new piece I have added in a while.)

     "You have much to teach many people still in this Life."
     At times I have felt as if my knowledge was outdated, trite.  I have also felt like I have nothing left to teach anyone, as Time itself has flashed on by.  For all that I see and know, not everything I think is right.  And as was proven to me, I really can be wrong at times.

     Talking with my friend Hanna one day, I lamented the Darkness I felt creeping up on me.  The poor girl listened to me, as I just rattled right through insanity.  I just kept going and going.  Hanna managed to stop me when I took a breath  I waited, hearing the gears in her head turn.
     She said the above statement to me.  For one of the rare times in my Life, I was speechless.  The notion had never occurred to me.   As I learned more about her thought on the matter, I realized just how right she was.  I was taken aback, proving once again I certainly do not know everything.
     We talked for a little bit, about a variety of things.  I laughed at one point, prompting a mystified reaction from Hanna.  I explained my laughter as a sign I understood my own humanity.  Sometimes, I told her, I forget that I am human. 
     From time to time I need reminded of things.  Spending so much time outside of myself, I tend to forget to look inwards.  One of the dangers I suspect of being who and what I am.

     "Why do I get shit on for being nice person?"
     Over the course of many years I have been asked this question.  Each time I have failed to find an answer.  The situations causing it to be asked vary, but the end result is the same.

     My friend Jennifer called me one day in the not so distant past.  When I answered, I heard something I never expected:  her crying actively.  Getting her calm enough to talk, I soon found out why.  The story reaffirmed why I like my cat more than people sometimes.
     A guy that she had been friends with had decided to just play games with her.  It was a terrible mess indeed, ending with me wanting to exterminate the problem.  I shook my head while talking, more so when she asked me the above question.
     In the end I did manage to help, but the scenario made me ponder my lot in Life.  Somehow I managed to be supremely lucky through things like this.  As another friend has told me, I am just very good at what I do.  Others agree with me, thinking I am just supremely lucky.
     Talking to Jennifer reminded me that I wished I could do more to remove some of the painful things that happen in this Life.  To that end, I tried any number of things.  None, sadly, seemed to do much good.  I knew this would not be my last encounter with the question either, making my mind turn more.

     A frown creased my face, as the wheels in my mind fired to maximum velocity.  I laughed, feeling like I was in my own version of A Christmas Carol, with the ghosts of Christmas just taking turns.  The pattern, however, showed a definite shift in things happening.
     My thoughts rambled on, a sense of an answer appearing on the horizon.  Know not precisely what the answer might be, but something hovered at the edge of my thoughts.  Perhaps, just perhaps I was wrong about a lot of things.
     My calm returned, allowing my mind to function fully.  Acceptance and a willingness to learn coloring my thoughts, I waited to see what episode awaited me next.

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